Brian's Dilemma Ch 1-5 (Re-upload)
by Hateocracy
Summary: (Rated M for 17 or you can be at least 10) She's dying, She is burned from the waist up, On her arm, Her ear is burned, Her eyelashes are burned, She can't hold things up, And even with medical advances, There's no end in sight, For hamburger lady, She wants me to tell you of her claim mind, From which the double play laying, The proping chair, Leave her


**Brians Dillema Chapter 1**  
**Chapter 1 - The Fourth Wall**

The Family were gathered around the table having the usual meatloaf, with the notable exception of Peter. Lois kept irritably looking at the clock, the other 4 knowing that there would be hell when the man came home. Suddenly everyone jumped as they heard the screeching of a car in the driveway, but they all calmed when they heard Peters singing, except Lois. The door swung open and Peter stood in the doorway, from Brians position he could see that Peter was holding a half full beer bottle with a shaking hand behind his back. Brian sniggered as Lois approached him with a frying pan held in a grip that made her hand white If you have an excuse you better cough it up now she said through gritted teeth as she raised the frying pan for emphasis. Now Lois I have a perfectly good reason for being late I was drinking with the g Peters mind was racing Dont say Guys, Dont say Guys, Dont say Guys he  
repeated over and over in his mind, I was drinking with the girls?.

Lois stared at him, Kids leave now she said, Brians tail wagged in anticipation You too Brian. Downtrodden he slumped of the chair and left with the children. Brian went up to Peter and Loiss bed while Meg, Stewie and Chris sat on the stairs, cringing and laughing every time they heard the clang of a frying pan and the nazely scream of Peter.  
Sighing he lay back on one of the  
pillows, She is so beautiful, so smart and so graceful he  
remarked to himself Yet she shall always be beyond my grasp.  
Lifting his head up he could hear  
that the beating had stopped and the children were going to their  
rooms.  
From down the hall he could hear  
Stewie remark Hah, she really gave it to the Fat Man. laughing  
he added If Im going to kill her I will need to separate her  
from that frying pan.  
Brian heard the small patter of feet  
and the closing of a door, knowing that Stewie was in his room Brian  
got up and went down the stairs.  
He saw Lois sitting on the couch  
smoking, which was odd for her. Brian walked past her and stopped  
giving her a stern look.  
Oh come on Brian, just because  
you quit doesnt mean I have too she said taking another huff on  
the end of it.  
Smiling and shaking his head he  
carried on into the kitchen where Peter, with a blood soaked bandage  
wrapped around his head.  
Hey Brian, could you get a towel  
and help me mop all this up? he asked I didnt know that I  
had that much blood hehe. Brian agreed and started to mop up  
beside him, I thought it was a pretty good excuse, dont you?  
Peter asked Brian. Laughing Brian said Peter, Loretta came up with  
a better excuse to visit the family on Outrageous Fortune  
- Cuts to a scene outside the  
West house with Loretta walking towards the door with a bag in her  
hand.  
She knocks and Cheryl answers,  
Loretta, we told you we never wanted to see you again. She said  
coldly.  
Yes. said Loretta But  
I have muffins! she said holding out the bag. Cheryl looked at the  
bag You turn your father over to the police and you apologize  
with muffins?  
Yes! said Loretta beaming.  
The door slams in her face-  
Wait a minute Brian, what the  
hell is Outrageous Fortune? Peter asked I mean I watch  
everything on American TV and I have never heard of that!  
Um its not a American show,  
its from New Zealand Brian replied.  
What? Why would we reference a  
show thats not American?! Peter cried.  
Well Peter Brian explained  
The author of this Fan Fiction is from New Zealand, he is also  
using you and I to make a very subtle middle finger towards American  
culture because he has nothing but contempt for it in his hateful  
heart, also he is using us to break the fourth wall because he is so  
god awful at writing that this is what it comes down too to get a few  
cheap laughs  
Oh ok well since the fourth  
wall is practically non existent anymore Peter paused pondering  
his next words Ah got it, Fuck Miamoto for Wii Music and hail  
Eyepet!  
A Sony logo pops up on screen for a  
split second then disappears.  
Brian stared at him, Well that  
was hateful as well as commercial, congratulations Peter you just  
discovered Capitalism Brian chuckled as he rinsed out the blood  
into the sink I am going upstairs to bed Peter, see you soon

**Brians Dillema Chapter 2**  
**Chapter 2: Brians Frustration**

As Brian accepted the award he  
scanned the crowd to find Lois walking up the isle towards him, he  
smiled broadly as she walked elegantly up the steps.  
She was sporting a beautiful and  
slightly revealing blue dress, she walked up to him and knelt in  
front of him. She laid her hands gently on either side and brought  
him closer and closer to a kiss, Brian closed his eyes in pure  
anticipation of what he had been waiting for so long.  
Just as their lips were about to  
lock together Brian heard an unmistakable voice coming from the  
crowd, the one that he did not want to hear at this moment. Brian!  
it shouted Brian! Brian! his eyes flicked open BRIAN!  
Peter shouted right next to his ear.  
He yelped and fell of the side of the bed, rubbing his head he glared  
at Peter who was completely naked, What the hell was that for?!  
he snarled. Um Brian said Lois awkwardly Peter and I are  
err Getting intimate. Alright he said tiredly Im  
off then, he grabbed his sheet and headed for the door, it had  
barely closed when he heard Lois giggling as Peter started to have  
his way with her.

Walking down the stairs he threw  
himself onto the couch and the blanket over him, he had barely closed  
his eyes when he awoke to see Chriss large body trying to sneak  
past him into the basement.  
Brian rubbed his eyes Chris?  
he asked What the hell are you doing?  
Oh umm Hi Brian I was just  
err Chris rubbed his hands together Going downstairs to  
masturbate.  
Brian stared at him, Why cant  
you do that in you own room? Um No Chris said I  
make too much noise

-The Family awakes to a loud  
thumping sound Earthquake! Peter shouts as they rush outside.  
Wait a minute, where is Chris? Lois shouts, distraught. The  
door opens to Chris who waddles outside with his legs together, the  
family stares at him while he awkwardly walks towards them. Umm,  
the earthquake made my legs stick together? He offers up an  
grimace-

Ok Chris, that was far too much  
information Brian collapsed back onto the sofa as Chris ran down  
the stairs into the attic. I do love that Kid , but he is stupid  
as hell Brian thought to himself.  
As Brian was sleeping he tried to  
recapture his dream with Lois, but was interrupted every time by  
Peter. No matter the scenario or the location he turned up time and  
time again to interrupt his moment. Brian knew that Lois would never  
be his until he managed to get her alone while Peter was out of the  
house. He made a resolution that next time Peter offered to go to the  
Clam he would refuse and confront Lois again about his love.  
If I dont he confided to  
himself I will soon go mad.

**Brians Dillema Chapter 3**  
**Chapter 3: The Kiss that Started It All**  
Brian was sitting nervously on the  
couch, pondering his next move. It was the following night and Peter  
had gone to the clam, he offered to take Brian along but he refused  
saying that he was to tired.  
Lois was in the other room cleaning  
dishes and the kids were up stairs, Now is the time he thought  
to himself.  
Lois came into the living room and  
sat beside him, giving him a little rub under the chin. Brian had to  
fight hard to control his tail at this point as she was sitting so  
close.  
Oh Brian she sighed smiling at  
him Its so nice to have company, usually when you two go  
drinking you are usually gone all hours of the night.  
Brian laughed and said Well Lois  
the Clam is a great place to unwind, maybe you should go there some  
time.  
Maybe someday Brian, maybe  
someday she said, taking another sip of the wine Brian only just  
noticed she had.  
Oh she said My head is  
spinning, it was the line Brian had been waiting for.  
With out a moments hesitation he  
pounced upon her, pressing her lips against his. She struggled and  
tried to push him off but soon stopped resisting and began kissing  
him as well.  
It was the moment Brian had been  
waiting for years to come, and as it did he let forth a wave of  
emotion that he had kept behind a moral built wall in the back of his  
mind.  
They kissed for what seemed like  
forever, and Lois and Brian both hoped that it would never end.  
Unbeknownst to them however a teenager named Meg was sitting at the  
top of the stairs, watching them. A person who hated one of the  
people on the couch, and secretly loved the other.

Brian awoke on the couch to someone  
picking him up by the collar, he looked and saw Peter looking at him  
eye to eye.  
Peter? What are you doing to-  
he was cut short as Peter punched him in the stomach and threw him  
against the opposite wall.  
Peter stepped over to him, in a daze  
he tried to punch him but he grabbed his hand and broke it over his  
knee. Brian screamed in pain as Peter grabbed him by the fur on his  
neck and sent him hurting into the door.  
Peter then yanked it open and threw  
Brian outside onto the concrete, breaking his nose on the concrete as  
he finally blacked out.  
Lois watched with dismay as Peter  
assaulted Brian, Peter?! What the hell do you think you are  
doing?.  
Peter turned and looked at her, his  
face as blank as a sheet, Lois, get out, Peter started to walk  
towards her threateningly Now.  
Peter are you crazy!? she  
asked, but had no time to answer as a fist came flying at her face.  
She dodged to the right and raced for the door, it slammed behind  
her.  
Stewie watched the whole thing from  
his window, My God, Lois must be more of a whore than Amy  
Winehouse he said, then stares at the camera Oh yes, you better  
believe I just went there.  
He stopped recycling an old joke  
when he saw Lois struggling to lift Brian up, Argh, damn you God  
for making me love that dog. he cursed then he picked up the  
crossbow with the rope attached to the bolt and fired it at the tree.  
It went in deep so Stewie gripped  
the crossbow as he used it to rappel down to the garden.

Lois carefully rolled Brian over and  
saw that his nose was completely covered with blood and his coat had  
numerous cuts on it.  
She heard a patter of foot steps and  
saw Stewie running over to them, Be careful Stewie, Brian is  
seriously hurt she said lifting Brian up in her arms, struggling  
under the weight.  
Oh really? I thought that he had  
just spilt ketchup all over himself he said, the sarcasm in his  
voice soul crushing Moron.  
Peter had the keys for the Wagon  
but Brian thankfully had the keys to the Prius on his collar. She  
opened the door and put Brian in the front seat, his blood dripping  
all over the it.  
She put Stewie in the back,  
thankfully Brian kept a booster chair in his car for the times he  
would need to baby sit for Stewie.  
As Lois turned the ignition and  
headed for Dr. Hartmans Hospital Room she still couldnt believe  
that she had fallen for Brian and been kicked out of her own house.  
Wiping away a tear she drove on.

To Be Continued In Chapter 4:  
Sadness and Revelations

Brians Dillema Chapter 4  
Chapter  
4: Sadness and Realization  
The  
Two awoke at the same time, both in completely different places and  
positions and with completely different opinions of the situation at  
hand. One of sadness and one of ignorance. Let us now look to the sad  
one, he was lying in a hospital bed with a woman sleeping on a chair  
with a baby on her lap. His nose was bandaged and he was unconscious.  
His  
eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the light in the room. He looked  
around and saw Lois with Stewie both asleep, he tried to sniff the  
room but felt a something blocking his nose. He looked down and saw a  
very thick bandage wrapped around his entire nose, crimson blotches  
dotting various parts of the bandage. With a groan he remembered the  
events of last night, Peters maniacal repercussions due to Brians  
undying and previously ignored love for Lois being finally accepted  
by the woman she loved. Stewie stirred from his sleep and looked  
sheepishly at Brian, Hey Brian, finally let loose the purple  
dinosaur hmm? he asked jokingly. Stewie why did you come?  
Brian asked curiously, ignoring his previous question I thought  
you despised me. Well Brian, I think I Stewie wringed his  
hands nervously I came because I think I l- Brian! a  
voice from behind him cut off his sentence, Stewie was for once in  
his life grateful to that woman Oh its so good to see you  
awake! Stewie was set down on the chair as Lois hugged Brian on  
the bed, Stewie looked enviously at the embrace. Lois I am so  
sorry, you should leave me and take Stewie back to Peter and try to  
make up. Brian blurted out Brian, shush. Lois put a finger  
on his lips I think I know what I really want and what you  
deserve. Brian smiled, his tail thumping against the side of the  
bed.  
The  
man of ignorance awoke from on the couch, his head pounding. He sat  
up and looked around, when he couldnt see anyone he shouted out  
Lois! when he received no answer, Kids?. When he received  
no answer from either of the two calls he said Brian, buddy lets  
go out to the clam. Kids must be out with Lois! even this  
received no answer. Maybe  
he is getting the newspaper  
he thought to himself, pleased with his intelligent guess he opened  
the door expecting to see Brian on the porch. What he saw however was  
a large blood stain on the concrete covering fallen white fur,  
Didnt know dogs had periods, hehe he said to himself and  
returned inside. Looking on the couch again he saw a note folded up  
and left on the couch, it said:  
Peter  
I  
have taken Chris to err Bible Camp, thats it. Anyways I hope  
you have recovered from your violent rage against your wife and best  
friend and are feeling better.  
Meg  
p.s.  
I stole youre car.  
Violent  
rage? Peter repeated What the hell is that dumb bimbo talking  
about? Suddenly the memory hit him like a ton of bricks.  
Dropping the letter in complete shock he exited the kitchen and ran  
to the phone, he didnt care what they did. He knew deep inside  
himself he couldnt live without those two in the house.  
Chris  
looked nervously at his sister as they pulled up outside the hospital  
and got out. As they walking towards the hospital doors Chris said  
Meg are you sure that stealing Dads car is a good idea? He is  
going to be more mad at you than the time you stole his cake.  
-Meg  
is sitting watching the TV when Peter stands in front of her, looking  
accusing. Um Hi Dad Meg said, smiling nervously. Meg,  
I have been battling all sorts of robots and finding out how to get  
across lakes of fire all day all due to the promise of cake at the  
end. he said coldly When I finally reach the chamber I find  
nothing there but a lock of your hair, anything to say? Meg looked  
up at him innocently The cake is a lie? she offered. Peter  
opens a portal below her.-  
I  
wasnt careful that time Chris Meg said But this time I am  
driven to be careful by something else. Driven by what?  
Chris enquired Nothing Meg mumbled, she knew what it was. I  
thought I was over him!  
she shouted to herself Why  
do I suddenly have these feelings again?  
To  
be continued in Chapter 5: Unpaid Bills and Broken Phones

**Brians Dillema Chapter 5**  
**Chapter**  
**5: Unpaid Bills and Broken Phones**

Lois  
and Stewie had gone down to the hospital foyer, Brian caught Stewie  
saying something about Lumpy and Quasimodo as he left the room.  
Brian lay back on his bed relaxing, he was interrupted when he by the  
phone next to he bed ringing loudly. Hello? he spoke curiously  
into the phone. Oh, hello Brian a unmistakable nasally voice  
answered.  
Peter,  
Brian answered, his voice as warm and friendly as Pluto What a  
nice gesture of you to call me in the hospital, seeing how I am  
feeling hmm? Brian I am sorry! Peter blurted out, I was  
drunk and I over-reacted, I just hope you can forgive me Brian  
was stunned, it was so odd of Peter to apologize for anything he had  
ever done that Brian almost forgot his anger towards him. But then he  
looked down at the bandages covering his nose and the various  
plasters all over him and his expression returned to that of anger.  
Peter... he said sweetly, on the other end of the phone Peter  
smiled believing his best friend had forgiven him Fuck you.  
As  
soon as he heard the long beeping sound signaling the end of his  
conversation Peter dropped the phone in complete astonishment. Brian  
had always forgiven him over time for whatever he had done, but this  
time it seemed that he genuinely disliked him. He tried Loiss cell  
phone but found his number was blocked from her phone, he tried Megs  
number and thankfully got a tone. Um Hi Dad she said as she  
picked answered the phone Meg its horrible! Lois and Brian have  
left and I am all alone, where are you? Meg looked at Lois who was  
urgently dragging a finger across her neck over and over, ignoring  
her she said Chris and I have left you to go with Mom and Brian,  
goodbye Peter. She flicked of the phone and threw it in her bag,  
without a hint of emotion. Peter dropped the phone for the second  
time, this time shattering it. Damn it! I havent been this  
disappointed since the end of Sozins Comet!  
-Screen  
begins to fade to black but suddenly Peter appears. Oh come on! Do  
we really need a flashback for this one? Everyone knows how it ended  
with Tell me where my mother is. and just cut out. Jeez, most  
of the people who read these are anime freaks.-  
Brian  
smiled as he saw Lois with Stewie in tow come into the room, his  
smile remained but his eyes widened when he saw Chris and Meg step  
into the room. Hi kids, what are you doing here? he said as  
they rushed over and hugged him, Meg rather enthusiastically. We  
decided to stay with you and mom Meg said twiddling with her  
hands but with a smile on her face How are you feeling? I  
have been better Brian added with a chuckle But what really  
worries me is where we shall go now? Peter will probably murder me if  
I step within a mile radius of Spooner Street house. We will  
think of something Brian Lois said Just now you relax She  
was interrupted when Dr. Hartman stepped into the room, Mrs.  
Griffin, it appears that the bank account that you issued the check  
for the hospital room to has been closed Damn it Peter Lois  
mumbled under her breath I am afraid that I am going to have to  
ask you to Lois didnt wait for him to finish his sentence as  
she delivered a crushing blow to his abdomen, Run kids! she  
shouted as she picked up Stewie and bolted out the door, Meg and  
Chris ran after her. Hey wait up! Brian shouted, he was slow  
getting out of the bed and when he finally did he saw that a man was  
running towards him, Brian ran towards him and as soon as the man was  
about to grab him he fell to the floor and pushed by momentum slid  
under the mans legs, hitting one of his legs with his elbow as  
he went.  
Lois  
opened the rear door of the car as the Chris and Meg dived in, she  
then got in the front seat and put Stewie between Chris and Meg.  
Wheres Brian? she shouted, all the kids shrugged and  
looked around. Suddenly they say a small white figure pounding along  
the pavement as fast as his small legs would carry him, two figures  
were gaining on him. Lois firing up the engine drove towards him and  
turned the car 90`  
and rolled down Chriss window, JUMP FOR IT! she shouted.  
Brian mustered the last of his strength and jumped through the rolled  
down window, landing on Meg and Stewies laps and Lois . Both of  
them smiled happily at the situation as they helped the panting  
figure get into the front seat, Lois was that really necessary?  
Brian asked between breaths. Not at all, she replied But the  
readers were probably getting bored, a little action chase never hurt  
anyone did it? Brian muttered something about Diana before putting  
his seatbelt on.  
Quagmires  
convertible sped out of the driveway and down the lane, the car that  
terrified women everywhere however was not being driven by the  
Woodpecker himself. Peter had borrowed Quagmires car in order to  
get to the hospital and find Brian, the reader may expect a look of  
complete hatred to be on the mans face. But if you thought that  
you thought wrong, the fat mans face was full of sorrow. He was  
genuinely sorry about what had happened, he had come to apologize and  
ask Lois to come back to Spooner Street with him, he did not expect  
Brian to come back after what happened and he had doubts Lois would  
come back either but he had to try. Pulling into the hospital he saw  
that Brians Prius was parked there, after he parked he strolled  
over to the Toyota but had to run back when he saw that a large  
amount of his friends blood had dampened the seat. Going through the  
hospital doors he walked up to the receptionist Um excuse me, you  
wouldnt have happened to see a red headed woman, a white dog and 3  
kids come through here would you? he asked. One fat, one ugly  
and one funny looking? Peter nodded Ran out of here about 20  
minutes ago after not paying their hospital bill Peter cursed  
himself for using up all the money in that account, but donating  
10,000 dollars to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was a  
good cause in his opinion. Running outside to Brians car he was  
thankful to find the door open and the keys left in the ignition.  
He saw the wagon speeding off while he was at a red light. While  
driving he noticed that Brian had left his Nokia on the dashboard.  
Flicking it on he dialed Loiss number  
Lois  
pulled the car over to the curb as she heard her phone going off in  
her back pocket, pulling it out she saw that the call was from Brian.  
Looking over at him inquiringly he shrugged his arms, perplexed she  
answered the call. Hello? Lois! Thank god its you!  
Lois sighed, knowing that this conversation was coming Lois you  
have to come back, I forgive you for sleeping with Brian. He can come  
back too if he wants I dont mind just please come home! he  
asked pleadingly Peter, I have made my decision on this matter and  
I will not be changing it any time soon, I will be home soon Brian  
looked at her despairingly but then jumped as he heard a tapping on  
the window, Peter had caught up with them while Lois had pulled over  
to answer his call. Brian cautiously rolled down the window as Peter  
stared at him, Brian, he said I forgive you Please come  
back? Brian was about to reply when suddenly Lois leaned over and  
said to Peter I am sorry Peter but I am with Brian now, I said  
that I will see you at home soon. Both of them looked at her as  
though she was insane What?! they said in unison. Suddenly  
Peter let loose a curse word and punched Brian squarely in the head,  
Brian smashed back and Lois floored it. Peter tried to get back into  
Brians car and give chase but he was already to far behind,  
enraged he set course back for home.


End file.
